My Journey – Be Kind to Women

In the name of Allah, The Beneficient, The Merciful

Be Kind to Women is about my transformation to being kind to myself – what that meant to me, what I needed to hear, understand, and live to love and believe in my worth. I know I am not alone because you are here.

Welcome to my journey.

For years, I believed I was on the path to happiness, seeking peace, love, and security. However, I realized I was seeking validation for my worthiness through work, people, and material things. Lost in the shadows of my endeavors, I tried to find myself through temporary means. Before long, I realized how hollow I felt inside. Initially, I believed the hollowness was due to my fear of being vulnerable with others, mainly because I was afraid to be vulnerable with myself. Anyone who knew me would say that was not the case, but little did they know.

Do you feel this way about yourself sometimes?

To bypass my fear, I challenged myself to be vulnerable while traveling solo. I was in deep despair and called a connection to share my story and soul. Instead of the acceptance I anticipated, I learned about rejection. I felt frail in my body. My mind shut down, my spirit cried, and my body continued to weaken during my stay. Worried, I flew straight back home to the hospital’s emergency room directly from the airport, to learn I fell ill due to food poisoning; however, I believed it was all symptoms of a broken and lonely heart, because as in the spirit, as in the body.

What story feeds your soul?

My two-week vacation turned into a recovery staycation. I decided to forget my experience and regain my confidence. The mind is powerful. I convinced myself I was healed and happy by the end of my staycation. But who was I kidding? Allah ta’ala knew I was only beginning to peek inside my hollowness.

After a couple of weeks, a person from my past reappeared in my life. No matter how kind this person or anyone else was to me, like Imam al–Ghazali said, “A person interprets everything they hear according to the light which dominates their heart.” We had a conversation that awakened years of subconscious trauma within me. Unable to fathom the pain that swept through my soul as their words shined a light on the darkness within me, I ran away. Ashamed of my reaction again and fear of confronting my broken state, I fell in prostration in a mosque alone. I began begging Allah ta’ala (The Most High) for guidance, and as He most sublime states, “and Allah found you lost and guided you” (Quran 93:7). This submission was the beginning of my awakening.

What gives you great joy?

Although I was born into Islam, I discovered iman from the depths of my lost soul at this conjecture in my life. While seeking forgiveness from Him, myself, and all those I cared for, I embarked on a transformational journey. I found Islamic knowledge to heal my soul, naturopathic medicine, and nature itself to heal my body. I read various self-development books and watched uplifting videos to recover mentally. In whatever possible way I could, I sought knowledge of Allah ta’ala and the purpose of my being.

By seeking the spiritual lessons in all my experiences, developing a relationship with the Quran and being vulnerable and authentic with myself first and foremost through reflection, I learned to align my inner and outer world by being present. I learned everything happens with Allah’s permission, and He knows what we need to find happiness within. And at this moment, our paths have crossed as you read my story.

May my journey and this site remind you to seek your Creator, Allah ﷻ and follow the way of the Best of Creation, Prophet Muhammad, ﷺ and to be kind to yourself and others as we traverse this journey called life.

And Allah ta’ala knows best.

With peace,

Bint Hawa